The following is an actual excerpt from President Trump’s press conference regarding the original Star Wars trilogy earlier today:
“Here is the thing. I just watched the entire Star Wars trilogy…. just the first three movies. I am not watching the movies with Jar Jar in them because he is a giant loser. I made sure that I finished watching the “Return of the Jedi” movie before making a public statement because I wanted to get all of the facts. Now look, the Empire had some really bad dudes in it. I am talking about some really nasty hombres. I had never heard of Darth Vader or Anakin Skywalker or whatever he calls himself before today so I don’t plan on making any comments about him. I don’t even know who he is. Please understand that I am not putting anybody in this movie on a moral plane, but what I’m staying is this: you had a group on one side and a group on the other, and they came at each other with space ships and lightsabers. It was vicious and horrible. Both sides were fighting. Other people won’t tell you this but I watched these movies much closer than the rest of you. The fake rebellion kept complaining about the “dark side” through the entire trilogy but there was also a “light side” doing some very bad things. This one side had so-called “stormtroopers” or whatever you want to call them but the other side had some very bad people in that group also. But there were also some very fine people on both sides, as well. So look, they blew up this big beautiful Death Star… TWICE! What’s next? The Death Star was a part of the Empire’s history and culture. Where does it end? Luke Skywalker was the son of Darth Vader… are they going to blow up his Death Star next time? I really don’t see the point.”
