Janet and I have been married for exactly seventeen years today. People refer to this milestone as our anniversary. My wife and I don’t really talk about our wedding day very often. Janet and I drove to the local justice of the peace on the morning of our “wedding” and he married us in his backyard. We had no fuss and no witnesses. I paid the exact same amount for our wedding as I paid for my golden retriever. Each cost exactly one hundred dollars.
Janet forgets our anniversary most of the time. I have to remind her of the actual date on a regular basis. This date does not mean very much to either of us. You see, Janet and I both failed at our first marriages. We both made promises to other people in front of God, friends, and family… then failed spectacularly. We both learned the hard way that an aging promise and a marriage license are not enough to keep two people together for the rest of their lives. Janet and I were keenly aware the second time around that our marriage together was not crossing a finish line but was simply a starting line. We knew early on that a real marriage requires a constant recommitment to one another.
In the seventeen years that my wife and I have been together, I have repeatedly asked her if she will marry me. I have probably asked her this over one thousand times throughout our relationship. I need to know that if she started over today knowing everything she knows now that she would still choose me. Each time she tells me the same answer. She always smiles at me and says, “Over and over again”. Each time it lights up my heart. I try to make sure that I go out every day and earn this response that I need.
My wife and I have learned to never take each other for granted. We are best friends in every definition of the word. If Janet and I have a problem between the two of us, we attack that problem wholeheartedly. We don’t leave things unsaid. We never use our words as a weapon against one another. We are careful with each other’s heart. We are both acutely aware that our legal binding is fragile and does not serve to keep our relationship safe.
Janet and I didn’t need any wedding dresses or tuxedos. We didn’t need wedding guests or a reception. We did not have a ring bearer and we do not have a wedding photo album. At the end of the day, all of those things mean absolutely nothing to a marriage. So go ahead and wish us a happy anniversary if you see us and in all likelihood we will politely smile and nod. But I will not be telling my wife to have a “Happy Anniversary” today. The only thing I have to say to my wife in front of God, friends, and family is the same question I plan to ask her repeatedly for the remainder of my life: “Janet, will you marry me?”
