1) Verbally assault anyone who gets in your way. Simply describe yourself as a counter-puncher even when you have attacked your opponent first. This is not Han Solo vs Greedo. Most people aren’t paying attention.
2) Provide persistent anecdotal evidence that people are constantly coming up to you and stating that you are clearly in the right while your opponent is in the wrong. This cannot be disproved and creates a powerful false aura of political consensus.
3) Don’t insult people in the first person. Use terms like “everybody knows that he is a liar” and “everyone thinks that she is a loser.” This helps to easily herd those who are already susceptible to a herd mentality.
4) Get everyone laughing at your opponent’s physical flaws. It really helps if your opponent has a physical disability or a birth defect but any obvious physical flaw will do.
5) If your opponent is an unattractive then you simply call them ugly. If your opponent is an attractive woman then you call her a bimbo. If your opponent is an attractive man then you call him an idiot. If you opponent is an attractive man who is clearly not an idiot then you call him a pedophile.
6) If you say something that is completely reprehensible and indefensible then you should quickly attack the oppressive atmosphere of political correctness without apologizing.
7) If you say something that is so overtly ridiculous that even you don’t believe it, this statement should quickly be followed by at least three iterations of “I guarantee it.”
8) If you look like you have a dead animal living on top of your head then you should never make fun of your opponent’s hair. It also helps to wed a new young attractive mate every eight to ten years so that you can easily make fun of everyone else’s ugly and aging spouses.
9) Bombast trumps logic and facts every single time… don’t get mired in the truth when destroying your opponents.
10) Once people surrender to your bullying then you should immediately back off. It doesn’t matter if you called them an idiot yesterday. Call them wonderful just as soon as they say something nice about you. This creates a positive feedback loop to keep them in line. You have now just made this person your little bitch going forward.
