How do you mourn the loss of a loved one who is not suddenly ripped from your life but is instead subtly stolen away by a handful of memories at a time? What do you do when someone’s own misspeaks and memory lapses become something much more sinister? Dementia can be so kind in the way it slowly takes it’s time to remove someone from your life yet so cruel in the way it creates the false illusion that this person is still here.
Many of us start to ask ourselves the same questions. Why do you forget me while you remember someone else? Were they more important to you than I was or did you just keep me stored in a part of your brain that is no longer here? I know in my heart that it is not even fair to analyze and scrutinize you like that.
I am not sure how long it will take for me to become a stranger to you, but I will make you a promise. You don’t even have to try to remember this promise because I will remember it for you. Our family will continue to treat you with respect. You may act like a child from time to time but I will make sure everyone remembers that you are not one. You brought multiple wonderful children into this world and raised them into adulthood. You imparted your wisdom on all of your family members and showered multiple generations with your love. Dementia does not get to steal this from you. I will not laugh at you. I will not get angry. I will be patient.
I plan for our family to become the protectors of your dignity.
I will make you one last promise. If I am a complete stranger when we meet again next Christmas… this stranger will still love you very much.
This is so true. Still remember this after eight plus years, as if it iwas yesterday. But would not give it up for anything.
Thank you for this post. We are watching the changes in our mom; this fits. We love her.