Better Never Than Late

je suis charlie
Twelve people were killed and another eleven were injured yesterday after an attack on Charlie Hebdo magazine in Paris, France by Islamic militants.  This was clearly a revenge killing of these brave French editorialists for the repeated illustration of the Prophet Muhammad and Islamic leaders in a negative light.

These journalists had the courage to republish the controversial Danish cartoons a few years ago, which drew the ire of Al-Qaeda and put them on the terrorist’s “most wanted list”.  Almost all of the other news organizations in the world did not show these controversial yet newsworthy pictures over fear of a backlash.   The editors of Charlie Hebdo practically stood alone in defiance to Al-Qaeda’s fear mongering.   Yesterday, these same individuals were left lying alone in puddles of their own blood.

Immediately after this violent attack, people all around the civilized world suddenly rose up in vocal support of these journalists.  Citizens all over the planet stood as one and shook their fists at these violent extremists.   Good finally stood up defiantly against evil…. and it was all for nothing.

These journalists needed our support while they still had a pulse.   They required our unity while they were still breathing.  Retroactive bravery requires no actual courage.  If anyone out there wants to honor the memory of these brave reporters, then I have a simple suggestion.  Let these fallen heroes rest in peace for now.  You should instead plan to vocally support the next courageous individuals who come along and stand unwavering in the face of terror.

My Son’s Career Choices… And What That Means For The Rest Of Us

alex

My son is about to turn eighteen years old.  He is a straight A honor student and he just recently scored a 33 on the ACT.  Colleges are currently fighting for him and offering him academic scholarships. My son was raised by two family practice doctors.  Many of our friends are also doctors.  His grandfather is a doctor.  He has been surrounded by doctors for all of his life.  Someone recently asked him if he was going to follow in his parent’s footsteps and go into a career in medicine.  My son laughed and said he had not yet decided what he wants to do with this life.  The only thing he knew for sure is that he did NOT want to be a doctor.

Over the past century, someone who grew up in an environment like my son would have most likely become a doctor.  They would have at least seriously considered it.   There is a growing number of young people in our society who are currently hearing the horror stories regarding the practice of medicine in an over-regulated environment.  The best and brightest are being frightened away.  The schools that educate our next generation of healthcare providers will have no choice but to start lowering their standards as our nation’s need for healthcare providers increases.  Less intelligent people will eventually gravitate towards this profession purely for the financial rewards.   The best and brightest will be bright enough to go elsewhere.

The only advice I would have for the next generation is to make sure that you do not get sick in the future under any circumstance.  If you think healthcare is bad in the United States right now, then I have news for you… you ain’t seen nothing yet.

The Warm and Fuzzy Guide to Making Sure That Everyone Likes You

warm fuzzy

1) Don’t be confrontational. You don’t want to make anyone mad. If someone says something factually incorrect or even bigoted, it is best if you stay quiet. It also helps to offer a polite laugh and nod slightly in agreement.

2) Don’t be judgemental. It is recommended that you view everyone on a morally equal playing field. Don’t call people out if you think their behavior is morally wrong or unacceptable.

3) Don’t draw too much attention to yourself. It is almost impossible for someone to dislike you if they don’t even know you exist.

4) Always take the side of the majority. You don’t ever want to be in the vocal minority. This can turn large groups of uninformed people against you very quickly.

5) Do NOT share your political views. If you stay silent about how you really feel, then friends and loved ones can naturally assume that you agree with them about various issues. Sharing your political views may alienate people who are close to you.

I hope this helps you in your goal of making sure that everyone likes you. Oh, and good luck actually making a difference in this world.

Attention Republican Party: This Is Your Mission If You Choose To Accept It

republican party

Attention Republican Party:

This is your mission… if you choose to accept it.

You have temporarily been granted tremendous power by the American people.

You just won sweeping elections on the municipal, state, and federal level this past November.

Looking at these election results, it becomes immediately obvious that this was not a vote against incumbents.

This was not a vote against Congressional gridlock.

The simple fact is that incumbent Republicans fared very well in this past election.

This past election was specifically a vote AGAINST the Democratic Party’s agenda.

You have just been given a majority control of both the House of Representatives and the Senate.

You were not granted this historic level of political support because you inspired anyone.

You are not necessarily held in high regard by the American people.

You have NOT been sent to Washington D.C. to “get along”.

You have been sent to our nation’s capital by the American people with a simple mission.

You must stop the progressive liberal agenda.

The people whom you represent are not going to be patient with you for very long.

This message, and perhaps the Republican Party itself, will self destruct in 24 months.

Pro Tip For All Facebook Users

nesting doll

Pro Tip For All Facebook Users: That big scroll of text that you click on before joining Facebook is called an End User License Agreement. It tells Mark Zuckerberg and everyone else on Facebook that you have surrendered a legal claim to anything you post on your wall. When you join Facebook, you agree that the information you will provide in the future is not private. When you subsequently get on your Facebook wall and post a bunch of legal text claiming that your posts are your own private intellectual property, all you are actually doing is creating a cute little virtual nesting doll of legal mumbo jumbo. But the legal contract you just created is the smaller nesting doll. No lawyer or judge will ever look at your little nesting doll because it is inside Facebook’s giant legal nesting doll. And if you ever actually decide to take Facebook to court… this giant legal nesting doll is going to kick your ass.

Lessons In Dying

dying

I have watched many people die during my twenty year career in medicine. Some people die suddenly but most die slowly and with plenty of warning. One thing that I have found striking is how the process of death will peel away the meaningless layers of a person’s life.

In the months leading up to death, a person will often become disinterested in politics and world events. They will seldom discuss television shows or movie stars. They couldn’t care less about the President or the upcoming election.

In the weeks leading up to death, a person will often stop caring about what they look like. Skin blemishes, wrinkles, and gray hairs no longer bother them. The women no longer care what size dress they fit into. The clothes that they wear are usually an afterthought.

In the days leading up to death, a person will usually become disinterested in their financial troubles. They don’t seem to care about their debt or how much money they have saved. They don’t care if their house is smaller than their neighbor’s house. There is no such thing as rich or poor.

In the hours leading up to death, a person only seems to care about their family and friends. They often break down emotional barriers. They tell others how they really feel about them. They sometimes will tell people they love them for the very first time. They no longer believe in secrets. Forgiveness becomes easy.

In the seconds before a person’s death, the only things that seem to matter are the person holding their hand as they take their last breath and where they believe they are about to go after they die.

I have watched many people die in my life… and the most important lesson that I have ever learned is that you do not have to be dying in order to truly start living. You can peel away the meaningless layers of your life starting today. By studying people when they die, you can discover what is really important in your own life.

Harry Reid Progress Report

Harry Reid

Senator Harry Reid was just released from the hospital after sustaining a nasty injury at home earlier this week.  He reportedly broke multiple ribs and facial bones after his personal exercise equipment suddenly snapped which sent him flipping over and landing on his face.  At this point, all we can do is wish Senator Reid a full and speedy recovery… and pray that this incident was somehow captured on home video.

The Fairy Tale Presidency

 

cinderella

Can you imagine if there was one extra scene at the end of Cinderella? Imagine how you would feel if Cinderella had revealed at the end of the story that she had intimate relations with the prince at the ball that evening and then developed significant pelvic pain with vaginal discharge requiring gynecological intervention. Nobody wants a fairy tale that ends like that. It ruins the whole story. This is precisely what many of us are struggling with right now regarding Barack Obama’s presidency. His election was a fairy tale. I did not vote for him because of his politics, but I was filled with pride in our country that we voted to put his family into our White House, knowing the history that this house was built by slaves. That is a powerful story. This was a message to people around the world that anything is possible and that racism is something that can be overcome. But after the NSA spying scandal, the IRS abuse scandal, the lies associated with Benghazi, and the failure of Obamacare, it is time to face the ugly truth about this fairy tale… Cinderella has chlamydia.

My List of New Year’s Revolutions

1) I will start referring to resolutions as revolutions just to annoy the crap out of people.

2) I am going to try to exercise less and get just a little bit fatter.

3) I plan to use the word “plethora” at least three times per day.

4) I will stop at least one crime with my new double bladed Batarang that I just received for Christmas… preferably jaywalking.

5) I will stop rooting for sports teams that do not root for me in return.

6) I will finally admit publicly that I am hooked on phonics and enter rehab.

7) I will eat a plethora of pecans.

8) I will try to not be so hard on myself when I immediately forget all of my new year’s resolutions. Damn it, I meant to say revolutions. I am such a loser…

9) I will try to make time in my life for more cowbell.

10) I will start going to church every Sunday… and by “church” I mean “Church’s Fried Chicken”.

Have a Happy New Year everybody!

Winning Hearts And Minds

korean news

A South Korean activist is planning to drop thousands of copies of the movie “The Interview” into North Korea via DVDs attached to helium balloons. North Korea has been telling their citizens for years that Americans are uncultured imbeciles who are a direct threat to their nation’s sovereignty. I suspect that showing them a Seth Rogen and James Franco flick which simulates the exploding of their leader’s skull will most certainly change some hearts and minds.