As a family practice doctor, I often get insight into people’s darkest secrets. People are suffering. They are struggling with their finances and having trouble paying their bills. The cost of feeding themselves and their family is going up while their pay has stagnated or gone down. They are having conflict with their spouses. They are struggling to pay their rent. Some feel trapped in loveless marriages. Life is not turning out anything like they had planned. Many are struggling with this privately while trying to show the rest of the world that everything is just fine. They usually isolate themselves and feel all alone in this world. It is time for all of us to end all of this suffering in silence. Turn to those around you. People that seem to “have it all together” may be in the exact same boat that you are. Turn to God. You just might find out that you are really not “all alone” after all.
What The Top Four Mass Murders In The U.S. Have In Common
The top four mass murders in this country did not involve guns.
4) On May 18, 1927 in Bath, Michigan… 45 people were killed in an elementary school using dynamite, firebombs, and a club.
3) March 25, 1990 in the Bronx, New York… 87 people were killed when the Happy Land Social Club was intentionally burned to the ground.
2) On April 19, 1995 in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma… 168 people were killed by what was essentially a truck full of poop.
1) On September 11, 2001 in multiple locations… 2,996 people were killed using 12 box cutters.
We continue to hear outcries for the banning of guns in the United States, yet most people do not push for a ban on clubs, matches, poop, or box cutters. In order to address mass murders in the United States, you must address the murderers themselves and not the methods.
The Argument For Gay Marriage
The Supreme Court is about to make a very important decision in regards to whether or not there is a constitutional right to gay marriage. I would like to start by saying that I am a man of faith and that I do not think that the government has any business telling a church what it should believe or how members of a church should practice their faith. If marriage were simply an issue of a church recognizing and institutionalizing the relationship between two loving individuals, then this would be a simple case for me. An individual church has every right to define marriage as being between a man and a woman, and the government should have no say in the matter. The problem is that marriage has now become a hybrid institution with both religious aspects and legal aspects. The government tells us that if two consenting adults choose to spend the rest of their lives together, that this bond will offer legal implications and protections on both the state and federal level. For example, your partner will receive your Social Security benefits when you die. Another example is that you become your partner’s medical decision maker by default should they become incapacitated. History will not look kindly on us during this period and will likely say that America treated homosexuals like second class citizens.
I believe the only good solution is to divide the process of all marriage into two separate entities. Since a marriage in this country is actually two things, it should actually be treated like two separate things. I think that when two people decide to live the rest of their lives together, all individuals can try to find a church that will acknowledge their religious union and everyone will need to separately seek legal protections through a civil union. Some couples may only choose to pursue a legal union and that is okay as well. Some dissenters will attempt to make a straw man argument that this could set up a slippery slope leading to civil unions with children or between people and animals. These same individuals would have likely argued during the Civil War era that we could not risk giving slaves the right to vote because this could also lead to babies and horses getting the right to vote as well. It is a silly argument that is not worthy of discussion.
In the system that I am proposing, all adults will be treated the same. This is the only true solution that still protects the constitutional rights of the church as well as the constitutional rights of the individual. Remember, the constitution is not only designed to protect you from others, it is designed to protect others from you.
Top 10 Signs That You May Be Violating The Geneva Conventions
10: You refer to inmate #764214 as “The one with the pretty mouth”
9: The guards keep asking for more pay… and more butter!
8: You have “strip searches” listed as one of your hobbies
7: “Schindler’s List” is your favorite comedy
6: You frequently say, “Look Ma, No Hands!” during the body cavity searches
5: You keep lamenting to yourself that Nelson Mandela was “the one that got away”
4: More often than not, you end up wearing the handcuffs
3: His moustache keeps tickling your leg (Oh, I’m sorry… that is one of the top ten signs that you may be violating Gene Shalit)
2: You refer to them as the “Geneva Suggestions”
1: The number one sign that you may be violating the Geneva Conventions: Two words – Panty Hats!
The United States is Like Michael Jackson
The United States is like Michael Jackson. When we were young, we were something the likes of which the world had never seen. As our popularity grew, our wealth and success grew exponentially. It appeared that we could do no wrong. Over time we began to change. Watergate was like our early plastic surgery, it started to make us look flawed. 9/11 was like our Pepsi commercial explosion, it exposed our vulnerabilities. Over time, our revenue went down but we continued to spend like we were on top of the world. We would waste money on any whim. We treated our wealth as if it would always be in endless supply. As our debt exploded, we kept telling ourselves that we could grow our way out of it if we could just have another hit and get back on top. The child molestation scandal was like the Clinton and Bush years, our morals came into question and some people may have been violated behind closed doors. Now we are just a shadow of our former selves but we can’t even see it. We just seem really tired and frail. With the recent reelection of Barack Obama… it felt like we just took a big dose of propofol and tried to get a good night of rest.
Amazing Coincidence
I encountered a pretty amazing coincidence while in college that I have decided to share with the world. Back in the early 90’s, I went to an Arkansas Razorback basketball game with a very good friend of mine. The game was going to be televised and I told my mother that I was going to try to get her attention during the game. I told her to make sure she was watching the game with 1:52 left in the first half because my friend and I were going to do something to get her attention. I picked that moment completely at random.
When my friend and I were at the game, we watched the clock closely so that we could make our move. We decided that we would both stand up and scream “Hi Mom!” at the top of our lungs when the moment arrived. We counted down together… one minute and fifty-four seconds… one minute and fifty-three seconds.. we stood up out of our seats… and then nothing. At that very moment, Barnhill Arena had lost power and went completely dark. The game was immediately halted. The power gradually came back on in the arena over the course of the next fifteen minutes. The game clock read 1:51 when it came back on. The random moment that I selected hours ahead of time had been SKIPPED. My friend told me that he saw the entire thing happen right in front of him and could still hardly believe it himself. We had a good laugh about the incident and went on to watch what turned out to be a really good basketball game.
As I returned to my parent’s house that evening, I was approached by my visibly upset mother at the doorway with, “Michael Guyer! What did you do?” To this day, I don’t think my mom fully believes that I had nothing to do with that blackout.
Welcome to the World According to Guyer!
I cannot keep all of my thoughts in my head. I am not sure if I understand the physics behind it, but I am pretty sure that if I keep all of this inside that eventually my head will explode. I have decided to start a blog as my very own public diary. Just in case any of you out there are wondering… I am a former medical doctor who walked away from medicine after twenty years in primary care because of the recent passage of the Affordable Care Act. I am in the process of transforming myself into a computer programmer. I spend much of my day like those two guys in the balcony of the Muppet Show by simply observing the world from afar and making my own snarky comments about what I see. My friends and family have encouraged me to share my talents with the world. Stay tuned.