Category: Funny

10: You refer to inmate #764214 as “The one with the pretty mouth”
9: The guards keep asking for more pay… and more butter!
8: You have “strip searches” listed as one of your hobbies
7: “Schindler’s List” is your favorite comedy
6: You frequently say, “Look Ma, No Hands!” during the body cavity searches
5: You keep lamenting to yourself that Nelson Mandela was “the one that got away”
4: More often than not, you end up wearing the handcuffs
3: His moustache keeps tickling your leg (Oh, I’m sorry… that is one of the top ten signs that you may be violating Gene Shalit)
2: You refer to them as the “Geneva Suggestions”
1: The number one sign that you may be violating the Geneva Conventions: Two words – Panty Hats!

I encountered a pretty amazing coincidence while in college that I have decided to share with the world. Back in the early 90’s, I went to an Arkansas Razorback basketball game with a very good friend of mine. The game was going to be televised and I told my mother that I was going to try to get her attention during the game. I told her to make sure she was watching the game with 1:52 left in the first half because my friend and I were going to do something to get her attention. I picked that moment completely at random.

When my friend and I were at the game, we watched the clock closely so that we could make our move. We decided that we would both stand up and scream “Hi Mom!” at the top of our lungs when the moment arrived. We counted down together… one minute and fifty-four seconds… one minute and fifty-three seconds.. we stood up out of our seats… and then nothing. At that very moment, Barnhill Arena had lost power and went completely dark. The game was immediately halted. The power gradually came back on in the arena over the course of the next fifteen minutes. The game clock read 1:51 when it came back on. The random moment that I selected hours ahead of time had been SKIPPED. My friend told me that he saw the entire thing happen right in front of him and could still hardly believe it himself. We had a good laugh about the incident and went on to watch what turned out to be a really good basketball game.

As I returned to my parent’s house that evening, I was approached by my visibly upset mother at the doorway with, “Michael Guyer! What did you do?”  To this day, I don’t think my mom fully believes that I had nothing to do with that blackout.