Secret Code System For My Social Media Account

I am currently on probation for so-called “hate speech” on Facebook. I have decided to supply a list of secret messages for my social media. Every time you see me post one of these statements on Facebook, please come over to my blog to see what I really mean.

“Facebook is fair.” means “Facebook is an oppressive pile of shit.”

“Biscuit” means “Cracker.”

“Carbon based matter that absorbs all wavelengths of light” means “Black people.”

“Carbon based matter that reflects all wavelengths of light” means “White people.”

“Bizarro” means the opposite… so if I say that “Joe Biden is so bizarro smart” then please understand that he is an idiot.

And now for the most important one…

“Zuckerberg is the best!” means “Zuckerberg can suck a bag of dicks!”

I Just Got Banned From Facebook For Calling An Elk Statue An Ugly Name

This elk statue is clearly an enemy of the Black Lives Matter movement

I just got banned from Facebook for three days because I sarcastically referred to a statue of an elk as a “likely slave-owning cracker ass.” Clearly I was just joking but Facebook was obviously concerned that I might have hurt the feelings of this elk statue. I think that I will start sharing some of my every day thoughts and silly musings over here on my blog where Zuckerberg can’t touch me.

We Didn’t Pick The Liar – The Hillary Clinton Song

Every major Clinton scandal ever known in one epic song!

The World Of Conflicting Cultures

We live in a world of conflicting cultures.

We live in a world where many women repeatedly objectify themselves via revealing selfies in various stages of undress while demanding that they not be treated as sex objects.

We live in a world where glorified rap artists brag about their own “thug lives” and describe themselves in clearly derogatory terms while many of the individuals who support these artists demand that they never be referred to as thugs or any other derogatory terms.

We live in a world where we express a clear demand to acquire the products of cheap labor while attempting to build a large wall between ourselves and that labor.

We live in a world where we regularly burn coal in order to create the electricity to charge our “eco-friendly” cars.

We live in a world where a majority of us would choose to wear pink in order to show our resolve in fighting cancer rather than pursue an interest in science.

We live in a world where many of us express a heartfelt desire to protect the constitutional freedoms of each and every citizen while also automatically assuming that our police officers were acting justified in every well-publicized bad outcome.

We live in a world where many wealthy individuals who protect themselves with armed guards at all times demand strict gun control for the masses.

We live in a world where many individuals express a solemn desire to protect the “sanctity of marriage” while they have simultaneously destroyed the sanctity of marriage.

We live in a world where we feign concern about the dangers of legalized marijuana while an entire generation of young people lose their lives to a prescription opioid epidemic.

We live in a world where we voice our concerns about abusive child labor practices around the world on smartphones which were made by young children in China.

We have become completely schizophrenic as a society.

We are becoming a world full of hypocrites.

This Just In: Donald Trump Makes Public Statement Regarding “Star Wars”

The following is an actual excerpt from President Trump’s press conference regarding the original Star Wars trilogy earlier today:

“Here is the thing.  I just watched the entire Star Wars trilogy…. just the first three movies.   I am not watching the movies with Jar Jar in them because he is a giant loser.  I made sure that I finished watching the “Return of the Jedi” movie before making a public statement because I wanted to get all of the facts.  Now look, the Empire had some really bad dudes in it.   I am talking about some really nasty hombres.   I had never heard of Darth Vader or Anakin Skywalker or whatever he calls himself before today so I don’t plan on making any comments about him.  I don’t even know who he is. Please understand that I am not putting anybody in this movie on a moral plane, but what I’m staying is this: you had a group on one side and a group on the other, and they came at each other with space ships and lightsabers.  It was vicious and horrible.  Both sides were fighting.  Other people won’t tell you this but I watched these movies much closer than the rest of you.  The fake rebellion kept complaining about the “dark side” through the entire trilogy but there was also a “light side” doing some very bad things.  This one side had so-called “stormtroopers” or whatever you want to call them but the other side had some very bad people in that group also.  But there were also some very fine people on both sides, as well.  So look, they blew up this big beautiful Death Star… TWICE!  What’s next?  The Death Star was a part of the Empire’s history and culture.  Where does it end?   Luke Skywalker was the son of Darth Vader… are they going to blow up his Death Star next time?  I really don’t see the point.”

The Quiet and Beautiful Life of William Kuriger

My father-in-law finally lost his long and courageous battle with esophageal cancer.  He wasn’t just our most amazing family member… he was our hero.  I recently wrote a eulogy for him which was presented by my wife at his funeral yesterday and she spoke for every single one of us.  The following is the text of the original eulogy which we provided for our family.

“Most people would agree that William Kuriger was a man of few words.  If brevity is truly the soul of wit then he was very likely to be one of the wittiest men to ever walk the Earth.   Telling his family members that he loved them came quite easily throughout his life, but getting much else out of this man was sometimes a chore.  It often seemed that he considered each question presented to him as a personal challenge to provide an answer with the fewest number of words possible.

We live in a world that is so full of talk.   We are bombarded almost daily with people who brag about their lives and accomplishments.  Promises don’t seem to mean as much as they used to and words are often thrown around carelessly.  We are exposed to so much chatter these days that it has almost become background noise.  It makes you wonder how soft spoken people are ever supposed to get noticed in today’s world.

Bill Kuriger had plenty to say to every single one of us if we were just willing to listen… he simply spoke to us through non-conventional means.  He spoke to us through his sixty-year marriage to Dolores.  He taught us about the value of personal loyalty and uncompromising devotion. He showed us to take your marriage vows seriously including the parts about sickness and health.  He made sure we all knew that “happily ever after” isn’t just a phrase for storybooks.   He and his beloved wife took on major setbacks in life with a grace and dignity which was inspiring.

He spoke to us in the way that he raised his seven children.  He showed us the importance of being a provider for your family and the model of consistency.  His calm demeanor and steady presence earned respect from others and he offered mutual respect in return.  He spoke to us through the lives of his grandchildren, as well.  Their grandpa was always willing to read a story or play catch.  He was even willing to travel across the entire country in order to attend their wedding or graduation. He taught us all how to truly be present in the lives of our loved ones.

He spoke to our love of knowledge.  As a college professor at the University of Oklahoma, he taught multiple generations how to start asking the right questions.  He was usually the smartest guy in the room but he never acted like it.  He showed us all that we never stop being students and that we should always be open to the concept of learning new things.  He also spoke to our love of country. As a member of the United States Marine Corps, he taught all of us about the importance of selflessness, sacrifice, and raw determination.

Most importantly, Bill Kuriger spoke to all of us through his faith.  He did not need to use many words for himself as long as he lived in a manner which was true to the word of God.   He preached the gospel on a daily basis without even needing to open his mouth.   He told God that he loved Him in the best way possible… he showed Him.

We have gathered here today to remember the quiet and beautiful life of William Kuriger.  Everyone here today wants you to know that we were listening, Bill.  We heard you.  We found your amazing voice above the cacophony of endless chatter and background noise.  You were one of the greatest teachers that any of us ever knew… and you spoke volumes.”

 

 

The Last Resort

I have always considered myself to be a very peaceful person.

I would not necessarily call myself a pacifist but I have always believed that physical violence should always be used as the very last resort.

I was bullied as a small child and I learned at a very early age that violence is rarely ever the answer.

I told my son when he first started school that I never wanted to see him act like a bully.

I expected him to be the kid who stood up to the bullies.

I am always very forward looking and I generally try to avoid conflict.

I do have guns in my home and I always have.

I grew up hunting and learned proper gun safety before I even learned how to drive.

I do not “love guns” and I do not “hate guns.”

I simply have guns in my life just like kitchen utensils… because they serve a valuable purpose.

Hunting is no longer the purpose for my guns because I rarely go hunting anymore.

The purpose of my guns is to protect me and my family from thieves, thugs, traitors, and tyrants.

I am saying this right now because I need to explain something very important.

I feel comfortable saying this today because most of the people who consider my guns to be a potential threat to the rest of society are virtually powerless in the political arena right now.

I believe deep down in my soul that some of the people who consider my guns to be a threat to the rest of society will eventually regain control of this nation one day.

I believe that a power grab to completely disarm me still may occur within my lifetime.

I feel the need to inform you of something in order to avoid a potential conflict down the road.

If you do ever show up at my door and demand that I surrender my weapons…

I will remember every school yard bully who only picked on the weak and the vulnerable.

I will recall the very first shots fired from the Old North Bridge against the oppressive threat of tyranny in Concord.

Most importantly, I will remember the very important lessons that our founding fathers tried to teach each and every one of us.

I will immediately recognize that you are the tyrant that John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Madison tried to warn us about.

This will be the moment of my last resort… and I will open fire.

Sincerely,

An American Patriot

Bold Suggestions In Order To Repair America

Our country is in very serious trouble. These are my very bold personal recommendations on how to fix these massive problems.

1) Eliminate the Department of Education – it’s simply not working.

2) Eliminate the Veteran’s Administration – provide all veterans with a lifetime voucher to purchase free insurance in the private market.

3) Eliminate the Federal Communications Commission – let the free market decide which forms of communication are acceptable

4) Lower the corporate tax rate to 15 percent which will allow for an influx of new industry and job growth.

5) Introduce a federal sales tax which exempts taxes on food and basic living requirements and is highest on luxury items.

6) Drastically reduce funding to the United Nations.

7) Pass a law eliminating all foreign financial aid until our government is running budget surpluses.

8) Eliminate all financial contributions going to the International Monetary Fund.

9) Audit the Federal Reserve.

10) Audit America’s gold reserves including Fort Knox.

11) Set up a “Global Trade Freedom Organization” which includes all of the willing nations that do not engage in slave labor practices. All countries who do actually engage in slave labor practices will have to pay an import tariff to all of the countries participating in the GTFO… and yes that acronym was on purpose.

12) Secure both of our major borders using advanced technology and a strengthened border patrol.

13) Create an investigative committee to find areas of government waste and excessive government regulation run completely by professionals and business owners with a plan to create a bill eliminating excessive government waste by the year 2018.

14) Completely repeal every single part of the Affordable Care Act and provide access to Medicaid for any citizen who loses their previous insurance for one year in order to help then with the transition.

15) Allow for the option of tax-free personal healthcare accounts. This would be like a Roth IRA but for medical care.

16) Remove all restrictions for insurance to be sold across state lines.

17) Begin significant tort reform to further bring down the cost of healthcare.

18) Pass the Healthcare Price Discovery Act where all prices for all aspects of healthcare must be immediately available to the general public.

19) Increase the amount of federal money going to Federally Qualified Health Centers so that people everywhere who lose their insurance over the long term can still get baseline affordable healthcare.

20) Begin an incremental increase to the retirement age for Social Security. People currently in their 50’s would add 3 years to their retirement age. People in their 40’s would add 4 years. Those in their 30’s would add 5 years. Everyone in their 20’s or younger would be told of their retirement age at a later date.

21) Allow for oil drilling in select locations within the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

22) Reduce the amount of federal dollars going towards a traditional college education and redirect much of this money to vocational school so that more of our population will begin to learn trade skills.

23) Begin to adjust personal income tax rates lower and the federal sales tax rate higher until the federal government is consistently running small budget surpluses. We will then use these budget surpluses to start paying down our debt.

The Promise

An old friend of mine called me on the phone a few months ago and told me that he did not like my recent country song which made fun of Donald Trump.   I told him that if Donald Trump eventually won the presidential election that I would write a new country song which said nice things about him.  I am a man of my word.  I present to my viewing public:  The Promise.

Clinton 101: Hillary Rodham Clinton

hillary-clinton

Today we will be finishing our series on the dark and sordid history of the Clinton administration for the young and perpetually uninformed. This final update will be the largest of the entire series and will also contain recent information for those who simply might not be paying attention. The person in this picture is named Hillary Rodham Clinton. She was born in Chicago and received her law degree from Yale. She would marry Bill Clinton in 1975 and then become the first female partner at Little Rock’s Rose Law Firm just three years later.

While working at Rose Law Firm, she would help draft the legislation for the Arkansas Development Finance Authority state agency along with her law partner, Webb Hubbell. This agency would eventually face serious accusations from an internal whistleblower of money laundering for an illegal drug smuggling operation possibly involving her husband. Webster Hubbell would end up in prison. She and her husband would also enter into a Whitewater real estate business investment around this same time with her good friends Jim and Susan McDougal. Both of these close friends would also end up in prison for their actions surrounding this questionable land deal.

While working as a defense attorney for a client who was accused of raping a twelve-year-old girl named Kathy Shelton, Hillary Clinton would accuse this child of “seeking out older men” and demand that the little girl get a psychiatric examination to determine whether or not she was “mentally unstable.” Mrs. Clinton would later laugh about the fact that this same client passed a lie detector test by claiming that this “forever destroyed her faith in polygraphs.”

Hillary would later move into the White House after her husband had won the presidency. A family friend working in the White House named Craig Livingstone would soon steal many of the top secrets being held within the FBI. He would resign in disgrace. Hillary Clinton would also accuse the entire White House Travel Office of stealing money around this same time. The seven people associated with these accusations would be found not guilty in a court of law and most of Hillary Clinton’s testimony surrounding the case would be determined to be a lie.

Hillary Clinton invited her closest friend and fellow lawyer named Vince Foster to come work with her in the White House. He became very upset about how the Travel Office was treated and the subsequent congressional investigation into his role. Within the first few months of the Clinton administration, the First Lady would end up screaming at Mr. Foster very publicly during a well-attended White House meeting regarding his own ineptness. Vince Foster would be found dead of an apparent gunshot wound to the head just a few days later.

Hillary Clinton and her husband left the White House in early 2001. They would very quickly be accused of taking a large amount of White House furniture and government property valued at almost two-hundred thousand dollars. After receiving significant public scrutiny for this odd behavior, most of the materials in question were eventually returned.

Hillary Clinton would go on to become a Senator from New York. She would also join her husband in starting up an organization called the Clinton Foundation. During Senator Clinton’s time on Capitol Hill, she only sponsored three bills that actually turned into law. One law renamed a highway after a journalist, one law renamed a post office, and the third law deemed a brick house in New York to be preserved as a national historic site.

Hillary Clinton would run for President in 2008 where she would lose in the Democratic primary to a political newcomer named Barack Obama. She would quickly resign from the Senate in order to become President Obama’s Secretary of State. Immediately upon doing this, she would set up an unauthorized private e-mail server which she would use for one-hundred percent of her personal and official business while Secretary of State. She would soon become an important part of the difficult decision to have our military secretly violate Pakistan’s airspace based on very limited intelligence and ultimately eliminate Osama Bin Laden. Some advisors were against the raid while Secretary Clinton was strongly and vocally in favor of it. This would end up being one of her most successful accomplishments.

Secretary Clinton would later push for the overthrow of Muammar Gaddafi in Libya in 2011. President Obama would listen closely to Secretary Clinton’s advice and send in our military to help overthrow the Libyan government via air support. Libya would eventually descend into complete chaos and be overrun by various terrorist factions. President Obama would go on to describe this decision regarding Libya as the single biggest mistake of his presidency.

Most governments around the globe would proceed to pull their officials and ambassadors out of the chaos in Libya but the United States would choose leave a political presence there. Ambassador Chris Stevens remained in Libya where his hundreds of requests to Clinton’s State Department for increased security in Benghazi went unanswered. He and three other Americans were killed on September 11, 2012 during a thirteen hour attack by members of Ansar Al-Sharia on the Benghazi consulate. Air support was requested multiple times throughout the ordeal but it never arrived. Hillary Clinton would inform her daughter via e-mail just two hours afterwards that the attack in Benghazi was caused by an “Al Queda-like group.” She would inform the Egyptian prime minister by e-mail the following morning that this was “a planned attack, not a protest.” Over the next few days and weeks leading up to the President’s reelection, Hillary Clinton would suddenly begin to inform the family members of the fallen in Benghazi and the rest of the American people that these deaths were due to a protest over an inflammatory YouTube video. When grilled by members on Capitol Hills about her apparent discrepancies later and the real reason behind these brave American’s deaths she would famously ask the panel, “What difference at this point does it make?”

During Hillary Clinton’s time as Secretary of State, it would be discovered that the Clinton Foundation would be simultaneously receiving large contributions from heads of state from all around the globe. The taking of this money by her foundation was done directly against President Obama’s wishes. The Clinton Foundation accepted a one million dollar check from Qatar and met with representatives from Brazil, Peru, and Rwanda to “discuss donations and philanthropic strategies.” An e-mail leak from top Clinton aide Doug Band recently suggested that a second alleged “money laundering scheme” could be going on behind the scenes at the Clinton Foundation. It was suggested that much of the money flowing towards the Clinton Foundation would be re-routed to the Clintons themselves through formal payments for speaking fees as well as indirectly through travel, hospitality, and vacations. He referred to this money shuffling system in order to get funds from charitable contributions into the hands of Bill and Hillary Clinton as “Clinton, Inc.”

While investigating the deaths and cover up surrounding Benghazi, Congress would eventually discover the existence of Hillary Clinton’s private e-mail server. Hillary Clinton received a congressional subpoena on March 4th, 2015 to preserve every single e-mail and computer server in her possession. This happened while Hillary Clinton was actively running for President of the United States. Over the period of March 25th to the 31st of that same year, Clinton’s personal staff would proceed to not only delete tens of thousands of her e-mails but to completely wipe some of her e-mail servers using a piece of software called “BleachBit.” Hillary Clinton publicly denied ever having sent or receiving classified government e-mails on her private server. The FBI subsequently found 110 classified e-mails on her server. Eight of those e-mails contained the highest possible classification of sensitive government information and were “top secret.” Bill Clinton attempted to meet secretly with the head of the Justice Department while sitting inside an airplane sitting out on a tarmac in Phoenix. However, news of the private meeting was leaked. Just a few days later, the Director of the FBI James Comey announced that although much of Hilary Clinton’s behavior was grossly incompetent and irresponsible, no legal charges would be filed against her. Less than two weeks before the Presidential election, FBI Director Comey would announce that he is reopening the investigation into Hillary Clinton and her e-mails based on new information discovered while investigating a separate legal case surrounding one of Hillary Clinton’s top aides.

If you objectively examine the history of Hillary Rodham Clinton and her husband, a pattern will quickly emerge. You will find a pattern of deep-seeded corruption, lies, and intentional deception. Most importantly, you will discover the process of Bill and Hillary Clinton repeatedly using their political influence to allow for millions of dollars to flow through their fingers via quid pro quo arrangements and third-party payers. The Clintons have a rich history of repeated political conflicts of interest and plausible deniability. Both Hillary Clinton and her husband have found a way to enrich themselves to a combined net worth of at least one-hundred million dollars while claiming a lifelong commitment to public service.

Hillary Clinton will be now be under active criminal investigation by federal authorities on Election Day. If she is elected President, she could possibly be in control of both the Justice Department and the FBI before the investigation even gets started and before any charges can even be filed. Hillary Rodham Clinton is currently on the verge of being handed almost unlimited political power. How this sordid story concludes is up to you.